What You Thought You Had

Earlier tonight after leaving an event, I ran into my former best friend’s ex. I immediately texted my former best friend to let him know who I saw! It was then I began to miss him. I began to evaluate why our friendship ended. Upon reflection while sitting down I began to wonder what I really missed in the first place! It wasn’t like we had made attempts to keep in touch, after all we had a falling out over a simple misunderstanding.  I enjoyed my friendship with my former best friend. We used to have engaging conversations. He used to visit my room and I would visit his. I trusted him with almost every aspect of my life, he had my laptop password, my room key.. basically he had unrestricted access. What fun times we had together….

There are times in your life where you will miss friendships, relationships, connections… but what are you truly missing? Are you only missing what you thought you had? Was that friendship, relationship, connection that you placed so much value upon only built on a mirage. A mirage is defined as an “erroneous perception of reality..” , something that will not stand in the clear bright sunlight of day!

The lens of time have a way of altering one’s perspective. What I once saw as a friendship, I now see as an unhealthy connection… So why do I miss it? We all must admit, every now and again we are all attracted to our old comfort zones. Are you missing something that hindsight has shown you, you never had? Every now and again, we all like to revisit old foundations, trying to figure out how we might just rebuild on a foundation that has failed us in the past. I myself am guilty of this. Then us church folk, like to call connections we know God did not sanction “divine connections”. Simply, we are trying to build on something temporal and fleeting, when God tells us to build on things and with materials that are eternal and lasting.

How many of us have ended up damaging ourselves because we took too much time missing something we never had?

OverExposure

Childhood memories hark to an earlier time, before Facebook. Things seemed simpler but somehow more complex. My little 1-A High School (My Family Moved To The Sticks) had it’s own Fine Arts Center. There was a room set aside as a darkroom for our burgeoning art students. The dark room always fascinated me, especially after I learned that the images taken by my fellow high school photography students would be developed in a dark room, in chemicals free from the eyes and tampering of others. This dark room was kept under lock and key and close supervision, it was stressed that even those well meaning souls could not enter without prior training and supervision. These beautiful pictures, destined to become admired, entered into contest and put on display were hidden away to prevent overexposure! Too much light too fast, can ruin a great picture and destroy what could have been a creator’s best work.

Now if pictures must be hidden away, what think ye of yourself! We can be ruined by overexposure too fast, without proper preparation. This is why often when we see others try to make a name for themselves, they are often stopped in their tracks. I can count on my hands how many things I fully enjoyed that were premature, or arrived in my life but didn’t have enough development.

We human beings are fickle and try to rush our process. We send food back that hasn’t been cooked long enough. We let wine sit for years and age. We sit on ideas, goals, talents, screenplay’s, scripts waiting for the right time to bring them forth but we so willingly are ready to overexpose ourselves to a world that we believe will be impacted by our presence!

We believe in timing for everything else but our personal development or  our process! We often get upset when connections, relationships, friendships seemingly fall apart. We get upset when all of our efforts to make something of ourselves ultimately flop in our hands.

The number one goal of the adversary is to destroy us BEFORE we know who we really are, BEFORE we know our value in the kingdom and the lives of others.

We must understand that the Hebrew Bible can be taken at its word when it emphatically states: “The race is never given to the swift, nor to the strong but to the one who endures to the end..” This can be the most frustrating part about our process. ENDURANCE! We often hear the cliché; “we must endure as a good solider”, but what does that truly mean.

This simply means that one has to endure the many up’s and down’s of this crazy journey called life. You will forced to deal with your emotions, your mind and your spiritual state. Everything that can be tested that you believe about yourself, your gifts, talents, etc, will be. Televangelist Bishop TD Jakes say’s it best: “Your faith must stand trial”. If this hasn’t happened in your process, I must question whether you are processing at all!

The dictionary defines endurance as “the act, quality or power of withstanding hardship or stress”. I have found that many of us can endure but are unwilling to do so because of our own fears and idiosyncrasies. An idiosyncrasy is a “characteristic, habit, mannerism, or the like, that is peculiar to an individual.” It is also defined as “a peculiarity of the physical or mental constitution (state).” We recognize this unwillingness to endure when we see others self-destruct.

There’s a great song by emerging gospel artist William McDowell. It is simply titled “I Surrender All/We Say Yes”.  No matter where you find yourself in this season, you can ENDURE. You have what it takes to make it!

Truthfully a surrender is all that’s required, it won’t cost you anything but you’ll have everything to gain… While surrendering and enjoying your process, you’ll shed stress, worry, anxiety, frustration, impatience… You’ll gain a peace from God that will pass all your understanding, and a trust in him that will be unshakeable. Read my proverbial lips through the screen: “It was a long time coming, but you’ll fight to keep it!”

To Thine Own Self Be True!

Shakespeare’s Hamlet admonishes us “To Thine Own Self Be True”. The question is when was the last time you were true to yourself? Instead of lying to yourself about your weight, relationship, sexuality, what you believe about God, kids, job and your mate. Reality lets us know that not everything is perfect. It is a blessing when the spirit of truth comes to reveal that we need help, so that we can once again “To Thine Own Self Be True”. So are you going to be true or just another liar that you talk about?

Love! {Prayer, Praise & Proclamation} February 29, 2012

The easiest word to say, and often the hardest word to fully understand. Love. The Scriptures tell us that we are to follow after love and desire spiritual gifts. By the time many of us reach adolescence, we have experienced many different types of love, even though our physical understanding of love is very limited. I believe that love is the strongest greatest power on earth, severely underrated and the easiest way to see our creators presence manifested in the world.

Love is stronger than death. Love is stronger than hate. Love is stronger than pride. Love is stronger than anything you or I with our human intellect could fathom, however love, is within our grasp. It is amazing how such a small concept can be so grossly misunderstood, misrepresented and misdirected all in the name of good intentions. Love has been given a bad rap.

When we think of the things we could not survive without, we are quick to list tangibles like food, water, shelter, clothing, but I have rarely heard someone mention that they could live without love.

I find it striking when I observe those in our world who seem to have achieved what many consider to be the pinnacle of success. Today’s celebrities seem to be blessed with money, talents, gifts, creativity, wealth, houses, cars and land but at the end of their lives or sometimes during troubling moments in their lives I often hear many say that they lack love. They feel unloved, they feel unappreciated, and for those who died early or tragically, their counterparts often tell stories of how they felt like love was lacking. I find it amazing that in spite of all those whom we admire seem to gain; they place the highest value on love. The Scriptures tells us in 1 Corinthians 13:13 that all tangible things will fail but faith, hope and love will remain.

I feel that this is a Prophetic message about love, because our campus needs love above all other things value may be placed upon. Quite frankly the cafeteria food does not matter, how many students we have enrolled does not matter, how many improvements the administration may embark upon does not matter, if our campus does not have love, we have nothing! However, we cannot be a conduit for love until we realize that the love of our creator is needed first in our lives. Many feel unworthy of God’s love; many don’t know how to receive his love, many chaff at the idea that it is freely given and freely received, however Jeremiah 31:3 instructs us that God has loved us with an everlasting love.

God gives us the kind of love that promises to cast out all fear, doubt, worry and anxiety. It is God’s hope that when we experience this love, we will share it freely with others. It is not meant to be self-contained. This is made most evident in the words of Jesus, the Christ who say’s “By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another. “

Do men know that you are disciples of Christ? Is it by your love, or your lusts (desires)? When was the last time you demonstrated the love of God?

What is motivating you to love? Are you loving in hopes of receiving popularity, to be seen by others? Is your love towards others just lip service? People who are need in love are all around us every day. I’m going to end this with a quick testimony.

I didn’t grow up in a house where love was expressed, I learned how to move past self-hatred; I used to hate my body, first it was too small, then it was too big, then my tail wasn’t right or my teeth were funny. I was always finding fault.

Not once did I look in the mirror and love what I saw. Finally one day I said to myself; this is not how God wants’ Ryan to live his life but even though I knew this I had no way of transforming myself at the time.

I was a young man who had no balance; I had no joy, no peace, no hope, and I didn’t feel loved by God or by other people who were significant in my life. I did not feel worthy of love; I could give love to others, tell others I loved them but I couldn’t adequately receive their love in return. I was always trying to prove my self-worth, that I was worthy of being loved.

I had prayed years ago asking God to help me because I was becoming someone I hated. I couldn’t remember the last time I had a real smile, real joy, or real happiness. I was just existing and not really living.

I began to feel trapped in my own circumstances and I didn’t feel powerful enough to change them. It was not long after praying this prayer that I was introduced to the concept of silence and a new way of praying. What I often perceived as silence made me feel rejected, un- worthy, abandoned and all alone.

For the first time in my life I felt empowered. I have tried other means of empowerment but they didn’t work, they weren’t lasting. I have tried sex, it left me feeling empty and wanting, sometimes dirty but only powerful for a moment.

I’ve tried using my gifts, the fact that I can play the piano, write articles, play the alto saxophone and write music, but people weren’t truly interested in my gifts or talents they wanted to see the real me, but at that time I didn’t know the real me to show them!

I tried using my spiritual gifts and offices that I walk in but no one really cares how good of a Prophet I am or how good of a Seer I am if they can tell that I don’t love myself.

Silent prayer and meditation has become a staple of my life. I stopped praying and complaining asking God questions, if I feel like crying I cry, if I feel like shouting I shout. Sometimes I just sing but more often these days I approach prayer with anticipation, with notebook in hand. The things that God has told me about myself in moments of silence have helped me better understand me.

Now I feel Love…

The other day, I was asked by the Associate Dean of the Shaw University Chapel to speak for Wednesday {Prayer, Praise & Proclamation}, Feburary 29, 2012. I was honored and humbled. What you have read above were those remarks.

Blessings,

Rodrigo Zaxembi Cruz

It’s A New Day!

I have always heard that our life was a book full of blank pages waiting to be written on. If that is the case, we better get to writing instead of complaining. We all know that God can rewrite our life’s story line, many times he redirects our steps until we are in his will and in his love and grace for us, he allows even our mistakes or missteps to work out for our good. Alas, it’s true that what’s done is done and God won’t change the past. However, He has promised to forgive each of us for our past. What I love about God is not only does he forgive us for our past, but he promises to cast each of our sins into the sea of forgetfulness and then he goes a step further. God then changes our view/ perception of how we see ourselves and our past. It is my prayer that God gives you his eyes as you embark on moving forward. It is my prayer that God reveal how he has woven themes of redemption and blessing throughout the times and season of your lives, when things looked hopeless. God also changes how our past affects us. Once this happens our past no longer has rule over us, the sting is gone, even though the memory survives forever. Through his power and love God can free you from the bondage of wrong habits and past mistakes. If you have not decided to make a new beginning, the time is now. The pages of our lives may have been partially written, but that is the past. Our future has a whole new set of fresh pages waiting to be filled. Thankfully, we do not write on the pages of our lives by ourselves, God is our ever present help. Ready… Set, Begin!